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Let this awkward staleness continue for me to break free.
My dear soulmate buddy & secret lover,
Lately, we both sense a little staleness in our relationship,
There is less hugging, less kissing, late reply to text messages,
Where are all the sparks and excitements?
I understand there are ebb and flow in any relationship.
Ever since the lockdown eases gradually and becomes irrelevant,
Our lives are inching back on the track like before the pandemic.
You are busy attending to your personal and professional responsibilities.
I feel I’m no longer the leading character in the picture of your life.
As the world comes into the light, our secret love is dimming its light,
Because our love will die once it is exposed to the light.
You asked me not to look at you passionately and lovingly in the public,
You don’t want the hassle of answering your friends' queries,
Why am I staring at you in a way that I’m not supposed to,
They all have eyes as sharp as the eagle being the seasoned resident on the earth.
So you're asking me not to love you anymore, albeit only while in the public,
This recalled my memory years ago how your friend was suspicious of us,
As you looked at me lovingly and passionately which you weren’t supposed to,
I know that your love and passion were hard to conceal,
That’s why I opt to stay out of your friend’s social cycle.
Our eyes and body will sell us out in the public,
Without us realizing it’s already part of our soul,
However, it’s all too obvious in the public’s eyes.
* * *
Since you asked me not to love you in the public, I’ll do it,
I’ll use this as the starting point to practice not loving you,
To scale back my love for you,
By thinking of all the downsides of being stuck with you,
To toughen up my heart preparing for that DAY,
When we’ll officially part ways as secret lovers.
No more guilt feelings but only determination,
To save me the heart-ache,
Practice makes perfect.
Our passion seems diminishing,
Is it because my biological clock is ticking?
Or my negative emotion triggers my biological change?
Or is it my little resentment of your recent absence?
Or is it’s universe’s plan to time our parting?
For the good of all of us good people here,
To guide all four of us back to our rightful spots.
So that all the good karma to retain with us.
I can sense your little uneasiness in the air,
Not knowing what to do and how to proceed,
With life gradually back to normal.
The end of the pandemic is the start of new life to me,
As my romance story seems set to turn to a new page.
A new page for another new prospect,
Another human that I can call my own,
And be next to me with ease in the public’s eyes,
Which I no longer need to feel anxious about any secret.
* * *
Let this staleness continue,
Let the passion diminish,
I need these to prepare for the likely outcome,
So that heart-breaking and guilt-feel would not corrode me harshly.
So that I won’t feel reluctant to leave you,
When the time comes for us to draw a clear line for our relationship,
Where the passion would be the history in both our memories.
When we all retreat to the position where we are supposed to be,
To be perceived right and morally in the eyes of society.
Thank you for the best ever new year's eve and new year,
They both are the best ones for me thus far.
It made me feel life is a celebration rather than a toil,
We shall have no regrets as we’ve loved like there’s no tomorrow,
Loved as if it would never hurt.
Let this staleness continue,
let our flame of love and passion dim slowly and gradually,
Preparing for that DAY that we’ll relinquish one of our roles in our lives,
To be only soulmate buddy and no more lover,
It may be God’s plan for the redemption of our souls.
* * *
Have you ever tried forcing yourself to stop loving someone?
For More of Belle Ching's writing, CLICK HERE
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